10 Most Absurd Hairstyles of All Time
Hair. What is it good for? Absolutely nothing. SAY IT AGAIN! At some point in almost all of our lives, we have to deal with a mass of straight, stringy, wavy, curly follicles growing out of the top of our heads (some of us don’t because we’re bald, enjoy the look of a shaved scalp or are skinheads). Cutting, primping, perming, and styling our hair into something that looks “good” has been going on for centuries. Some cuts are forever: layered and parted, crewcuts, bobs, mushrooms, “The Rachel” but some look just as dumb now as they did the moment the stylist removed the smock. Here’s a look at some of the most absurd hairstyles and the celebrities who made them (in)famous.
An old school classic worst, flamboyant boxing promoter Don King’s literal shock of frizzy follicles has been standing upright for the better part of half a century. His ‘do is remarkable in its simplicity; combed straight up, like an idiot. This is one of the few hairstyles to have its own Halloween wig.
Donald Trump has one of the most notable and inexplicable hairstyles in recent memory; it’s as if he’s combing over strands of hair from the side to side and back to front and achieving something logically impossible; like a natural toupee, to be oxymoronic (or just moronic). The hair gets more absurd with each passing Trump Day (he even branded his birthday). Perhaps Donald should tell his barber “he’s fired.”
In addition to recording some halfway decent mid ‘80s hip-hop tracks and starring in the ‘House Party’ franchise, the rap duo Kid ‘n Play gave the world one of the more vertical “urban” hairstyles, the ten inch tall hi-top fade. Kid (née Christoper Reid) gave up on the eraser top as part of the plot of the 1992 movie Class Act, (SPOILER ALERT) opting for a “mini braided” look.
As our 40th President, Ronald Reagan loved jellybeans, Glasnost, and the threat of Russian winter. His hair was also gunked up with Brylcreem to the point it looked identical to that of another famous actor turned politician, Gumby. To Ronnie’s credit, he was able to maintain the sheen and polish (and color) of his coiffure well into his eighties.
Gene Shalit was a noted film critic for NBC’s ‘The Today Show’ from the 1970’s up until a couple of years ago, and his look gets a big “thumbs up” for being completely ridiculous. The epitome of the semitic afro gone awry, Shalit’s massive “hair nest” probably devoured combs instead of letting them work their magic. Coupled with the enormous caterpillar of a mustache crawling across his upper lip, Shalit’s got one of the most iconically absurd looks of all time.
Since hair continues to grow after you’ve died, there’s no telling what’s going on with Amy’s ‘do these days. In her younger days, Winehouse’s oversized beehive tribute to the girl groups of the 1960s could very well have been home to a gathering of swallows and a container of ‘ludes later in her life.
A paeon to penis shrinkage, this clipped, jagged, severely tinted, tiger striped shotgun blast of disaster caught on quickly with nagging housewives across our great country during the mid aughts, and is still prevalent in some of the more provincial suburban enclaves. If you have this hairstyle, it’s pretty much guaranteed that you are a harpy.
In 2008, Guns ‘N Roses frontman Axl Rose emerged from the seemingly unending recording sessions for the wet blanket known as Chinese Democracy wearing his fiery red hair in cornrows. The rows were abandoned after a few years with Rose reverting back to the au naturale look, but unfortunately he still hasn’t done the same and reconcile with the other original dudes from G N’ R already.
The bastard child of Pat Riley and Joe Eszterhaus’s coifs, Barry Melrose’s hair looks like it crawled out of a sump and planted itself on the scalp of the former hockey coach/current NHL commentator with the will of any sentient creature that just wants to survive. Matched with an equally unruly goatee, Melrose is apparently aiming the be the world’s first non-Italian paisan.
Arguably more recognizable than the man/boy himself, Justin Bieber’s hirsute hair helmet captured the imagination of millions of grade school boys, the effects are which are still being felt by shuddering parents across the nation. Even after abandoning the bowl cut and adapting a more classic up ‘do, he still looks like incoming freshman meat at Smith College.