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I’ve Got The “Gophers Are Destroying My Lawn” Summertime Blues

I have never intentionally killed a living creature. Except for that snake at the house on Cathy Avenue back in the 90′s, some mice living above the kitchen ceiling in the house in Tabor, millions of cockroaches in the doctor’s housing at the State Hospital when I was a kid and every spider I’ve ever encountered. Other than these examples, I wouldn’t hurt a fly. Okay, I take that back, I hate flies too.

But back to the subject at hand, I have gophers tearing up my backyard and I want to get rid of them. The question is how. I have now been researching the subject for hours and have discovered a few things. You can trap them, (alive or dead) you can kill them (really dead) and you can repel them (send them to your neighbors).

I’m going the extermination route, but there again which method? Drowning? Gassing? Blowing them up? Poisoning? Buying a large snake and sending it down their hole? I desire quick results, so I’m thinking poison, but the last thing I want is one of my dogs dining on dead toxic gopher! I’m hoping they’ll kick off in their subterranean lair under my neighbors driveway and that will be the end of it.

Gopher on golf course
Getty Images

Yeah, he looks cute, fuzzy and friendly, but he has big teeth and claws, can destroy your lawn and sprinkler system too. One other thing I found out as I was researching this furry menace- – the ihategophers.com domain name is open and for sale and I’m giving it some thought.

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