Jessica Biel is Trying to Ruin My Life by Marrying Justin Timberlake

It is official.  Justin Timberlake has broken my heart. He tied the knot this past weekend with Jessica Biel.

What does she have that I don’t have? So she’s got a killer body and a big bank account and climbed Mount Kilimanjaro for charity. So what? Big deal.

I’m still in denial about this whole thing. I mean, it is around Halloween, are we sure this isn’t some elaborate prank? Trick or treat! I’m calling trick!

I’m not sure Jessica is good for Justin and his career. Since they started seeing each other he hasn’t put out much music. He has, however, done a lot of movies. You know who are in movies? Actors. You know who is an actor? Jessica Biel. Coincidence? I think not.

I know it seems like I’m blaming Jessica Biel for this whole thing, but I think she is trying to ruin my life. My first ever Hollywood crush was Jonathan Taylor Thomas and she dates him in the movie ‘I’ll Be Home For Christmas’. Now she married one of my other teen idols, Justin Timberlake.

I just thought of another weird coincidence. NSync’s Christmas album was called ‘Home For Christmas.’  What is her deal with Christmas? I’m surprised they got married in October if she is so obsessed with Christmas.

The wedding was reportedly in Italy. Why Italy? Well, from what I’ve read Jessica Biel’s ’7th Heaven’ co-star, Beverly Mitchell was married in Italy and that’s where she got the idea. Seems to me like this wedding was all about Jessica. From what I know about Justin, which I think is a lot, I’m sure he would have been fine with a quaint ceremony in his hometown of Shelby Forest, TN outside of Memphis.

In all honesty, I’m really not so crazy as to think Justin Timberlake was going to marry me. This is just another one of those signs that we are all getting older. Can we just rewind to the days when NSync just hit the radio with “I Want You Back” and Jessica Biel was on TV in ’7th Heaven’ far away from my Justin.