Kim Kardashian Proudly Announces Her Holiday Diet Tips of Obviousness
Our favorite little media spotlight moth, Kim Kardashian, has posted five insightful tips for getting back on the diet track after Thanksgiving indulgences. And by “insightful” we mean “any dolt would know them.”
First off, she says you have to throw out the leftovers because to avoid gaining weight from Thanksgiving food, you have to stop eating Thanksgiving food. That sounds mighty science-y to us, but astonishingly, Kim Kardashian is not a medical professional.
Second, you need to look for bargains on new workout clothes because they’ll help get you motivated to hit the gym. Like those bargains we all get when Nike and Adidas send us their stuff to wear so when we make an appearance outside of a gym (who also paid us to be there) it looks like we actually huffed it out.
After you get your
sponsored bargain workout clothes, you need to get a friend to be your workout buddy. If you’re a Kardashian, you might know this person as a hanger-on. If you can’t find a friend, pay a famous trainer to be your “buddy” and everyone will still think you did this on your own.
Fourth, Kimmy K says don’t beat yourself up, but do stay focused. And don’t forget, Christmas is around the corner! If you’re too fat, no one will love you enough to give you any presents.
And finally, the gifted yet not medically trained Kim says you should drink more water. There are statistics about how much, but you can get those off the back of any Aquafina bottle so we trust you to figure that out yourself.
Of course, the unspoken sixth tip for success is to be rich enough to afford your own personal chef and trainer. Oh, and also take plenty of Kardashian-sponsored Quick Trim.
But that’s just obvious.