Lawnmower Search Leads to Lament Over Being Single

The only time I truly regret being perpetually single without a husband, or boyfriend, are under circumstances like these. My mower bit the dirt this weekend and doing all the research on Consumer Reports and elsewhere on the web, just can't compare to one smarty-pants guy who knows something about mowers and cars and household stuff. Oh my!

I apologize for this very sexist statement right upfront. I know there are plenty of single women out there, (moms included and my BFF Georgie, for instance) who are extremely self-sufficient and handle every kind of vehicle, household and appliance emergency on their own. I wish I was better at that, but I get so frustrated that at times that I wish I had rent-a-husband or handyman on speed-dial at my immediate disposal!

I've done research until my vision has gotten blurry and my brain needs a squeezin' so I can get more info into it and yet, I'm thoroughly confused.  This mower is highly rated but every review on it mentions at least three problems. That mower costs more, has a big name on it but is even more poorly rated than the one before.

Pull start, electric start, (loved it when it worked), blade brake clutch, (yes or no?), side or rear discharging, variable speeds, wash-out port, or maybe just call a lawn service? At least if I had a man in my life and he picked out another crappy mower, I could say, "Geez hon, you always pick out crappy mowers!" I'd also have two incomes with which to buy another mower, while still taking the dog in for his twice-a-month checkups, making the car payment, paying the rent and utilities and. . .!

Oh well, such is life. Now. Back to my mower problem. My head hurts.