Obama to be Re-Elected
You heard it here first. President Obama will be re-elected president of the United States.
How do I know this? Because on Monday, twelve Peruvian mystics predicted it, that's how.
The mystics held a ceremony on Monday, where a poster of Mitt Romney and a poster of President Obama were displayed. During the ceremony the spirit world moved the mystics to attack the Romney poster with a sword, while the Obama poster was rubbed with flowers. Meaning Obama will emerge victorious!
It sounds about as scientific as some of things that transpired in Florida during the 2000 election.
For what it's worth, the shamans correctly predicted Obama would win in 2008.