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Sloths Are Scary And I Have Proof

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I don’t like sloths. I think they are creepy looking and gross and slow and terrible.

I am also aware that this is kind of an irrational fear because sloths are slow and aren’t really at the top of the food chain.

I am also aware that there is this whole niche of people that love sloths and cry when they see them out of joy. Don’t understand them at all.

Anyway, I am finally vindicated. I have always said that I think sloths are only slow when they want to be and if you got close enough they would probably rip your face off with their ugly talons. Turns out I’m right…sort of.

Jack Hanna was on The View about a month ago and brought a sloth and he shared some interesting information. Sloths are biters! They will attack and bite your face off! Ok, so maybe those weren’t his exact words. His exact words are, “Sloths can bite quicker than lightning.”

He also says something about how sloths survive by getting ugly. The uglier a sloth is the longer it will survive because other animals won’t mess with it. So a sloths whole goal in life is to get ugly! How is that cute?

I am right! Be afraid of sloths!


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