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These Toys for Christmas? Not!

Angry Birds flying toys
Tim Whitby/Getty Images


There are a few toys, okay, several toys, that kids will want this year for Christmas. But are the parents on board with these?


  • Any toy that grosses parents out. Flarp, Ooze, Moonsand, or, The Dr. Dreadful Food Lab are some examples. All of these products have something NASA couldn’t identify in a light-year. Think of the child’s hair, your carpet, Aunt Penelope’s beautiful new QVC Christmas sweater…etc.


  • Any toy with hundreds of pieces. Hi Ho Cherry-O comes to mind. We have this game and have little cherries in the sofa, the fridge, and toilets over the life of this game. If you’ve ever gone to work with a Battleship peg in your underwear, you’ve got kids.


  • Anything that’s alive.  You might think it’s adorable to give your niece a puppy for Christmas but have you asked the parents? They are the ones ultimately responsible for the care of this animal. Bunnies, gerbils, rats, turtles, and fish are also gifts that might require a parent’s permission. Scorpions are on sale now at pet stores. But you have to pay extra to have the poison removed from the tail. Well, isn’t that a good thing for little Aiden?


  • Any musical instrument. Oh, it was a laugh-a-minute when we opened “My First Snare Drum” from a relative for my (then) 4 year old son. We haven’t seen our cat in 4 years. However, there is still daily poop in the litter box so I assume he still lives here…


  • Anything with small, sharp pieces. I take my first daily walk to my coffee maker around 3:30 a.m. Once my wife removed the Captain Jack Sparrow LEGO sword from my foot, I was on the road to being a little more careful where to step in the dark. Now, I shuffle to Mr. Coffee.


  • I really like the Angry Birds video game. Not sure if I’m sold on the plush launch-your-own flying toys. There goes the lamp, the wall art, and grandma’a new hairdo.


While we’re at it, let’s take these (not so real) toys off our Christmas list, too:

  • Disney’s 101 Pitbulls
  • “Playing with Matches” by Hasbro
  • Piddle Puppy
  • My Little Medicine Cabinet by Little Tykes
  • “There Goes My Eye!” Multi-Clip NERF gun
  • Deadwood Barbie and Ken (comes with pack of Virginia Slims and a 1983 Corsica)
  • The “Let’s Play with Strangers” game
  • Frisky’s M-80 catfood
  • Ronco’s Electric Baby Fork – (110w or 220w)
  • Betty Machete
  • Fire Ants in the Pants!

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