Things I Learned From My Trip to the Florida Keys
After a recent family vacation to the Florida Keys we had a wonderful time in a beautiful part of the good ‘ol U.S. of A. But I learned a few things. Before I share these things, let me give you a description of the Keys. Think of them as a single city with a population of about 85,000 that is 110 miles long by 1/2 mile wide with one main highway populated by thousands of drivers with a singular death wish.
Things I Learned From My Trip to the Florida Keys:
The difference between driving in Sioux Falls and Driving in the Florida Keys, is that when you drive Highway #1 south of Miami motorists do whatever they can to try and kill you. No resident of southern Florida has ever had to replace a burnt out turn signal light bulb. They don’t use them…ever.
When you eat at the Cuban Restaurant La Carreta in South Miami just order the “#7” because they don’t speak english and you don’t speak what ever it is that they are speaking.
You can’t bring a steak knife in your Delta carry-on bag. Really. This happened to me. It was in the pocket of a collapsible picnic cooler. Oopsie! Now, I’m not talking about a whole set of cutlery, just one little ‘ol knife. I guess they don’t plan for those spontaneous moments when you are unexpectedly confronted with a thick cut chop and no way to cut it into bite size pieces. Like my Grandma always said: “Proper Planning Prevents Piss Poor Pork Preparation”.
When visiting the “Hemingway House” in Key West Florida don’t pick up the “Six Toed Cats” … ever. Each cat has 4 extra toes. If you do the math, there are over 40 cats at Ernest’s house. That’s 24 total claws per cat. That’s around 1000 total claws. They might look fat and slothy, but they will shred you like wheat. FYI-Not a mouse on the property.
When the crew of the Yankee Freedom 3 Catamaran to Fort Jefferson National Park on Dry Tortugas island starts handing out Barf Bags, take one. If not for you maybe for someone else, thus saving yourself a smelly, uncomfortable day and large dry cleaning bill.