This has been bothering me for a while, probably since I first heard the song. What is Niall Horan saying about laundry in the song "Slow Hands?"

In the first line of the chorus, he sings something about sweat and dripping and dirty laundry. I've been confused for months now and finally today took the time to investigate this.

I looked up the lyrics to "Slow Hands" on Google Music. And sure enough the line is:

Slow, slow hands
Like sweat dripping down our dirty laundry
No, no chance
That I'm leaving here without you on me

OK, so I confirmed that what I was hearing was indeed the lyrics. But, that doesn't clear anything up, in fact it confuses me more! Now that I know that that is what Niall is saying, it makes even less sense. When I thought I was missing something I could chalk it up as a classic episode of misheard lyrics. But, no he is singing about dirty laundry.

Why is your dirty laundry so sweaty? So sweaty that it is in face dripping. There has to be better metaphors that you could use to describe moist, sensual, um, whatever you're trying to say.

"Oh yea baby, my clothes are so dirty, your love will help get the grass stains out."

"yea baby, you don't make me fear tears, because I have a bottle of Shout in my laundry room."

No, I understand nothing about what is going on here. Maybe I've just too old and don't know what the kids are into these days. I expected that that would happen. My parents didn't understand Ice Cube or Nirvana and their parents didn't get The Beatles.

However I didn't expect that the next generation would be all into laundry like this. Have candlelight dinners and flirty text messages been replaced by sexy detergent pods and ironing boards? Are the youngins foregoing dancing at prom for folding a basket of linens? Does 'front-loading' mean something new?

To each their own I guess. So enjoy your days of spin-cycles and nights of permapress


 

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