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Eclipse Warning: Vampires

Solar Eclipse Draws Crowds To North Queensland Vantage Points
Getty Images

Like lots of people, I am super excited for the solar eclipse that’s passing over the United States on August 21. With each day we get closer and I get more hyped up for it.

The path of the eclips will pass right over Nebraska, but Sioux Falls should get plenty dark when the moon moves in front of the sun just after lunch on the 21st.

There are some safety things to keep in mind. Like don’t look directly at the sun and eclips. Or not to look at it through a camera lens.

But, there is another danger we must keep in mind. Vampires.

Vampire's Gather To Attempt To Break A New World Record
He is ready for the eclipse, are you?     (Photo by Peter Macdiarmid/Getty Images)

Ass you may know vampires cannot come out during the day. The light of the sun will burn them. It’s a scientific fact, I think. Anyways, the radiation in the sun’s rays will make their vampiric cells explode. So, members of the Dracula family only come out at night, when the sunshine of death is hidden.

But, with the suns deadly protection blocked by the moon on August 21, we run the risk of a daytime vampire feeding frenzy.

You see, at night we are all naturally aware of the dangers that vampires pose. Humans have evolved a innate caution when we travel from village to village in the inky blackness of night. During the day however, while we are grinding the harvest into flour and rendering the skins from the hunt into wraps for the coming winter, we lose our natural alertness to vampires.

Vampire
, ‘Nosferatu, Eine Symphonie Des Grauens’, 1921 (Photo by Hulton Archive/Getty Images)

The draculas know this. When the darkness of night sweeps across the lands on eclipse day, they will rise from their hiding places and attack.

We must be prepared! When you’re getting ready for the eclipse and packing your special glasses and papertowel rolls add some garlic to your pack. start whittling stakes too, do it now. Whether you’re a shepherd, a farmer or a townsfolk you have to do your part and be prepared.

International Green Week Agricultural Trade Fair
(Photo by Sean Gallup/Getty Images)

Contrary to popular belief, silver bullets will not work. If this was a herd of werewolfs, then yes. Melt the silverware and prepare for battle. But for vampires it would be a waste of grandmother’s spoons.

Stakes and garlic. Mmm. Garlic on a steak, that sounds good. We should have that for dinner tonight. Wait! Never mind, I got off track.

Vampires! We must be ready on eclipse day. Spread the news, tell your friends! On the day the sun retreats behind the evil nighttime rock-man we must let the blood-sucking forces darkness know who is at the top of the food chain.

Be ready my friend. I’ll see you on the light side.


 

CLICK HERE FOR REAL INFO ABOUT THE SOLAR ECLIPSE ON AUGUST 21.


 

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